The hollowness of the gaping hole that is left after a suicide loss seems to be an insurmountable abyss of nothingness. What would I not do to fillith my own cupith? And so, here I am, doing what I can to love myself so much so that I needn't rely on another soul to make feel whole again.
But humans are not meant to be alone. We are pack animals and so we thrive on community and deeply desire connection. And so with vulnerability there is great danger because when we open our hearts we are allowing the possibility of being hurt and of being broken once again.
As a trauma survivor, the flashbacks of intense feelings can rip you to your core. Feelings so aggressive and visceral that they can make you question you mental well-being and gripe with mental warfare and your ability to find joy once again... but we must always remember that the depth with which we are able to feel pain we are equally able to feel elation. So even in the darkness of our mourning we must always remember that our lives are still glorious.
We find once again that there is great power in our vulnerability because when we allow ourselves to be seen we get the opportunity to have a true connection. Perhaps, along the way, as we grow and love into ourselves we can allow strangers to become friends or lovers to feed our souls and their love to inspire us to blossom in to a new burgeoning version of ourselves. And so we allow ourselves to fill that void with little treasures, one at a time, always challenging our hearts to be uncomfortable just a moment for there is no greater gift than that feeling of requited love filling into the cracks of our broken hearts.